Adam Silver: The fourth pick goes to the Washington Wizards.

Jay Bilas: That means Oklahoma City, Sacramento, and New York will be picking in the top three.

Commercial Break

Adam Silver: The third pick goes to the Sacramento Kings.

Adam Silver: The second pick goes to the Oklahoma City Thunder.

Mike D’Antoni begins celabratory handshakes with the representatives from the Kings and Thunder.

Jay Bilas: That means that the top overall pick will go to the New York Knicks.

Adam Silver: The first pick in the draft goes to the Chicago Bulls.

The following day….

Statement from the Commissioner’s Office
May 20th, 2009

Yesterday, the Chicago Bulls won the NBA Draft Lottery despite not having any winning lottery combinations. What happened, was we mistakenly grabbed the envelope labeled “1″ from last year. While we admit the error, the ruling on the court stands, and the results will be unchanged.

Statement from John Paxson, Chicago Bulls GM…VP…what’s his job title?
May 21st, 2009

It was difficult to feel bad for the Knicks when I was stealing their picks as a result of ripping off Isiah Thomas, but this situation is different. While my greatest sympathy goes out for the Knicks franchise, we are going to keep the pick and not give it back. Well, actually, we are going to keep all options open, except giving the pick back to the Knicks, and could possibly trade the pick.

Here is a clip from the last Celtics vs. Cavs game. Paul Pierce was celebrating by high fiving all the Celtics fans around him, and then ignored the little Lebron James fan who tried to get into the high five action, despite wearing a Lebron jersey.

There has been an image circulating on the internet of Vinny Del Negro’s playbook. Courtesy of the Blowtorch, here it is.

In 2007, there was the Kobe Bryant video where he told a group of people to buy their Bulls jerseys. This year, we have the Amare Stoudemire video.

Since Derrick Rose’s story about rolling over onto a knife that had to be perpendicular from the bed doesn’t seem the most plausible, it is time to come up with alternative theories for what happened.

• Crazy ex-girlfriend?
• Convinced by the Chicago fans, Derrick came to the realization that he is in fact a god.  To test out whether he was actually a god, he tried stabbing himself to see what would happen.
• Derrick Rose is a very emo guy.  Could you blame him though?  That frontcourt would make anyone depressed.
• That football player whose girlfriend he slept with finally got his full revenge.
• Monkey knife fight.
• Derrick put up some posters of Tyrus Thomas and Joakim Noah in his room.  He began throwing knives at the posters, yelling “Catch this”.  On one of his throws, the knife bounced off Noah’s hands and came back into Rose’s arm.
• Paul Pierce part 2?
• The injury is actually a paper cut he received while swimming in Luol Deng’s pool of money.
• He cut himself while opening up a bag of gummi worms with a knife.  He was craving gummi worms so much that he didn’t take his time to safely open the bag.
• He’s covering for Ben Gordon, but the apple cutting story was a partial truth.  See, Derrick Rose was cutting his apples in bed, but at the same time, Ben Gordon was also in the room dribbling a basketball.  Gordon then proceeded to dribble the ball off his foot.  The ball bounced and hit Rose’s hand in which he was holding the knife, and forced Rose to stab his other arm.

Here is one for the conspiracy theorists with no grassy knolls involved. Someone called The Bagel of Everything posted on rationreality.com his conspiracy theory regarding the Bulls logo.