Since Derrick Rose’s story about rolling over onto a knife that had to be perpendicular from the bed doesn’t seem the most plausible, it is time to come up with alternative theories for what happened.

• Crazy ex-girlfriend?
• Convinced by the Chicago fans, Derrick came to the realization that he is in fact a god.  To test out whether he was actually a god, he tried stabbing himself to see what would happen.
• Derrick Rose is a very emo guy.  Could you blame him though?  That frontcourt would make anyone depressed.
• That football player whose girlfriend he slept with finally got his full revenge.
• Monkey knife fight.
• Derrick put up some posters of Tyrus Thomas and Joakim Noah in his room.  He began throwing knives at the posters, yelling “Catch this”.  On one of his throws, the knife bounced off Noah’s hands and came back into Rose’s arm.
• Paul Pierce part 2?
• The injury is actually a paper cut he received while swimming in Luol Deng’s pool of money.
• He cut himself while opening up a bag of gummi worms with a knife.  He was craving gummi bears so much that he didn’t take his time to safely open the bag.
• He’s covering for Ben Gordon, but the apple cutting story was a partial truth.  See, Derrick Rose was cutting his apples in bed, but at the same time, Ben Gordon was also in the room dribbling a basketball.  Gordon then proceeded to dribble the ball off his foot.  The ball bounced and hit Rose’s hand in which he was holding the knife, and forced Rose to stab his other arm.

Here is one for the conspiracy theorists with no grassy knolls involved. Someone called The Bagel of Everything posted on rationreality.com his conspiracy theory regarding the Bulls logo.